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mouko_yamamoto
02-07-2006, 11:08 PM
So I was wondering if anyone had rules or guidelines in their meaderies? I made these in fun, but almost all are based on actual experiences.

Mouko's Meadery Rules

No farting. (Small room, no ventilation... 'nuff said.::))

No pesticides; they taste bad in mead. Instead, cellar rats will be beaten.

If the doors are closed, they are to remain closed until such a time as I open them.

No asking, “When will it be done?” “When can we try some?” and the like. For every question, 6 months extra aging for each mead.

Consider any honey in the meadery hazardous to your health… That is, you eat it, you die.

The bottle drying tree does just that: It dries bottles. Drying clothes on it is not a good idea.

No, the brew pot will not be, "good for making chili."

Contrary to what you think, opening the doors and throwing the dog on me is not funny.

Airlocks are there for a reason; taking them off to smell the mead, then not putting them back on, defeats the purpose.


That's it, so far. How about you? Any rules you have? :)

Oskaar
02-08-2006, 12:33 AM
Hellstrom's Hive Meadworx has two simple rules:

1. Oskaar is boss

2. When in doubt refer to rule one.

Cheers,

Oskaar

Brewbear
02-08-2006, 01:11 AM
Oskaar,
you're forgetting rule #3 : If you don't like rules 1 & 2, don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you!!

Cheers,
Brewbear

flatlandfiddler
02-08-2006, 07:52 AM
Two drink minimum

WRATHWILDE
02-08-2006, 08:14 AM
No spitting. ;)

Wrathwilde

mouko_yamamoto
02-08-2006, 08:23 AM
I might incorporate all of those into my own, except I don't know how it looks when I have, "Oskaar is boss" on my wall. ::)

Angus
02-08-2006, 10:04 AM
"If you don't ask how much that last piece of equipment cost, I won't have to tell you".

Angus

mouko_yamamoto
02-08-2006, 10:09 AM
No licking the sides of carboys. (I've done this on occasion.;D)

Miriam
02-08-2006, 10:50 AM
This for the local Nosy Parkers:

"Please refrain from giving the owner advice."

(Can't stand know-it-all busybodies.)

Miriam

Pewter_of_Deodar
02-08-2006, 10:53 AM
Miriam,

About that lavender mead you are making....

*ducks and runs*

With a grin and a wink,
Pewter

Pewter_of_Deodar
02-08-2006, 10:55 AM
Add to the list:

If you really seek knowledge about meadmaking, ask sincere, intelligent questions and I will answer as best I can...

WRATHWILDE
02-08-2006, 11:19 AM
If you really seek knowledge about meadmaking, ask sincere, intelligent questions and I will answer as best I can...


Won't answer dumb questions Pewter... or don't want to look foolish if you get them wrong? ;) ;D :P

Wrathwilde (Ducking, Running and jumping out the window to safety)

David Baldwin
02-08-2006, 12:53 PM
I was surprised to discover that I had to establish two rules right off the bat.

#1. No, I can't and won't sell you a bottle/batch.
#2. If you want me to make a batch for you:
A. You buy the honey, yeast, airlock, bung, bucket, and carboy.
B. You must be present, paying attention and taking notes.
C. You get to do ONE batch in my meadworks - from there on you have
the proper equipment to do it in your own basement.

One additional "guideline" rather than a rule...

D. My help is free, my time is not. Please deposit 12 pounds of any variety of honey at the door.


David

CheshireCat
02-08-2006, 01:22 PM
"If you don't ask how much that last piece of equipment cost, I won't have to tell you".

Amen to that, brother! I have a strict "Don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to my equipment. It's widely known that when I say "I need to run to the brew shop" money will change hands that day. :D

NateDawg
02-08-2006, 01:31 PM
I only have one rule:

#1: I have no clue what I am doing, but I make it up as I go along, cross my fingers, pray, and hope for the best.

Nate

Consul
02-08-2006, 02:15 PM
"Constantly nagging me with questions will only serve to confuse you further, as I can assure you I am the wrong person to ask."

One of these days, I might even read a book or something on this homebrewed mead and beer hobby. Otherwise, all I know is what I get from here and my local homebrew supply shop. Scary. ;)

Wolfie
02-08-2006, 03:10 PM
The first rule of mead club is: you do not talk about meadclub.

The second Rule of Mead club is: you do no talk about mead club

One drink at a time

And the final rule of mead club: If this is your first night at meadclub,

you have to brew.

Alden
02-08-2006, 03:18 PM
Rule 1. When I am brewing, the kitchen is mine. No other cooking/food prep is allowed.
Rule 2. If you come in the kitchen, you have just volunteered - please wash your hands.
Rule 3. All of the honey in the house is mine. You want some for your tea, ask me first.
Rule 4. If you don't know what something is/does, don't touch it.
Rule 5. While brewing, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.
Rule 6. There is no Rule 6.
Rule 7. Wash, rinse, repeat, sanitize.

Amendment I. Per Rule 4, if "that something" is on fire - don't touch it, but please let me know.

CheshireCat
02-08-2006, 04:28 PM
Oh I forgot my rule: "Vinegar is not allowed on the floor where mead is being handled or exposed."

lostnbronx
02-08-2006, 10:43 PM
My #1 Rule:

Don't touch that. Don't touch! Don't touch! MAMA, COME TAKE THIS BOY!!!

-David

WRATHWILDE
02-09-2006, 01:45 AM
Rule 6. There is no Rule 6.


A Monty Python fan if ever I saw one, but rule #4 should have been "I don't want to catch anybody not drinking." And now for something completely different...

The Meadmakers Song (adapted for GotMeads highest posting members with apologies to Monty Python and Norskersword who got bumped by the ever missing ThirstyViking... artistic license dude! ;) )

Pewter in a rant is a real piss-ant who is very rarely stable.
Brewbear, Brewbear is a boozy beggar who can think you under the table.
Dmntd claims to out-consume even Oskaar when he's tricksy.
And Jmattioli is a meady swine who is just as sloshed as Vicky.
There's nothing McFeely couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Byathread, himself, is permanently pissed.
David Baldwin still, of his own free will, after half a pint of Sack is particularly ill.
Wrathwilde, they say, can stick it away, half a crate of Acerglyn every day!
Mynx and Jab are buggers for the bottle,
and Miriam is fond of sheychar dvash.
Lostnbronx is a drunken Ox:
"I drink, therefore I'm sauced."
Yes, ThirstyViking himself is particularly missed;
JoeM's a lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

Right, now let's get some Sheilas.

Wrathwilde

hedgehog
02-09-2006, 02:46 AM
Hedgehog's Somewhat Draconian Meadery Rules:
#1. Never EVER will the phrase "Ew, it smells like beer." be uttered.
#2. Never EVER will the phrase "Ew, it tastes like beer." be uttered either.
#3. Letting out a blood curdling shriek due to a microscopic spider in the next
time zone while anyone is pouring large quantities very HOT honey based
liquids is expressly forbidden.
#4. Dipping fingers into the brand new 5 pound jar of rare varietal honey "just
to taste it" is also forbidden, and said fingers are forfeit to later mentioned
killer yeast.
#5. #6 and #8.5 drilled rubber stoppers DO NOT make for a great game of
marbles on the sidewalk.
#6. A circle of one gallon glass jugs is not the hillbilly version of a combination
drum set and tuba section.

**If any two or more of above are repeatedly broken, especially rules # 1 and 2, the offenders will be fed to the killer yeasts. ;) http://home.earthlink.net/~garnish/art/killeryeasts-1a.jpg

hedgehog

Miriam
02-09-2006, 04:57 AM
Hedgehog, I am helpless with laughter...

Miriam

WRATHWILDE
02-09-2006, 12:36 PM
Maybe not a rule but a guiding principle as reply...

No, that mead's not for drinking... it's for aging. But hey, you're not getting any younger so let's open it now... priorities before priorities, beauty always comes first when I'm on the job. ::) ;) :P ;D

Wrathwilde (bored but having fun with dialog)

Mynx
02-09-2006, 01:15 PM
/bows I AM in fact a bit of a bugger for the bottle.

(I love that song so much)...

Dont have many rules as yet in the meadery (such as it is) ... course I do all my brewing when I'm home alone to minimize anything.

Couple that come to mind (some of which are beer related, since I'm making alot of that lately):

#1 Cats will be banished from the kitchen while Mynx is brewing/making mead. She's got spindly arms and doesnt need to trip over a hungry feline while hauling a 5 gallon pot of hot wort.
#2 The first batch of any beer in a series will be a stout.
#3 You are more than welcome to my mead. Offerings to the honey pot are appreciated (not dirty! I have an old honey jar I keep money I've saved/allotted for mead/beer in).

I'm sure this list will increase as I get more space... :D

Dan McFeeley
02-09-2006, 02:26 PM
[responding to Wrathwilde]


(tents fingers, imitating Oskaar) Excellent!

Miriam
02-09-2006, 04:04 PM
Something else that needs to be put firmly under control when visitors view the carboys:

"Please don't ask who is going to drink all this wine. You are either implying I'm an alcoholic, or hinting that you want to take some bottles home. In either case, you will have offended me."

;D

Charlene
02-09-2006, 04:18 PM
#3 You are more than welcome to my mead. Offerings to the honey pot are appreciated (not dirty! I have an old honey jar I keep money I've saved/allotted for mead/beer in).


:o

A "honey pot" in the NWT is a covered bucket in which household waste is stored. Every morning, somebody from the municipality comes by to pick up the full honey pot and drop off a new empty clean one.

The kind of waste I'm talking about can easily be imagined, especially if you know that most communities don't have sewers and septic tanks are impractical that far north due to the soil freezing.

David Baldwin
02-09-2006, 05:21 PM
Ah yes the euphamistic Honey Pot... I caught that too... ;D

The local municipality collection vehicle aka the Honey Wagon...


BTW, Wrathwilde... You weren't peeking into my basement the other night while I was sampling a bit of that sack-gone-nuclear mead...were you...??? ;D


David Baldwin

Mynx
02-09-2006, 06:33 PM
Funnily, I knew the term too, in the human waste context. Round Vancouver...well, in Chilliwack specifically, they use liquified chicken and pig sh*t to fertilize the fields...dispensed by the euphemistically termed "honey spreaders".

WRATHWILDE
02-09-2006, 11:34 PM
Pewter in a rant is a real piss-ant who is very rarely stable.
Brewbear, Brewbear is a boozy beggar who can think you under the table.
Dmntd claims to out-consume even Oskaar when he's tricksy.
And Jmattioli is a meady swine who is just as sloshed as Vicky.
There's nothing McFeely couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Byathread, himself, is permanently pissed.
David Baldwin still, of his own free will, after half a pint of Sack is particularly ill.
Wrathwilde, they say, can stick it away, half a crate of Acerglyn every day!
Mynx and Jab are buggers for the bottle,
and Miriam is fond of sheychar dvash.
Lostnbronx is a drunken Ox:
"I drink, therefore I'm sauced."
Yes, ThirstyViking himself is particularly missed;
JoeM's a lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.



[responding to Wrathwilde]
(tents fingers, imitating Oskaar) Excellent!



/bows I AM in fact a bit of a bugger for the bottle.
(I love that song so much)...



BTW, Wrathwilde... You weren't peeking into my basement the other night while I was sampling a bit of that sack-gone-nuclear mead...were you...??? ;D


I tried to place everyone in the most appropriate sections of the song for them, Pewter got his placement for the Sulfite thread that wouldn't die. But Lostnbronx got a raw deal because I couldn't really get his handle to fit in any other way. But it's all in fun so no harm done. Just updated his line to Ox... that works better.

Wrathwilde

WRATHWILDE
02-09-2006, 11:42 PM
Miriam,

I changed your line to yeyin dvash. What does dvash rhyme with? Does it sound like Ash or wash or something else entirely? I figured it was a closer rhyme to wash.

Wrathwilde

HomeBrew
02-10-2006, 12:35 AM
No Worries.

JoeM
02-10-2006, 01:12 AM
1) Relax, make some mead.
2) Relax, drink some mead
3) ”The bleach is burning my hands!” …relax your skin will regrow.
4) “I think I contaminated the must!” …get the HELL OUT!...and then relax.
5) Relax.

Miriam
02-10-2006, 03:24 AM
Miriam,

I changed your line to yeyin dvash. What does dvash rhyme with? Does it sound like Ash or wash or something else entirely? I figured it was a closer rhyme to wash.

Wrathwilde


Wrathwilde,

Your intuition was right, "dvash" rhymes with "wash". The poem, like mead, keeps improving with time. :D

...I was amused the other day when my husband and his Talmud study partner, who were covering a section of law on the making of wines, asked me to show them mead, and tell them how it's produced, and what Maimonides meant when he was talking about "apple wine". (My husband doesn't drink and wouldn't know mead from cider or a grape varietal.) They were intrigued by my pumpkin mead in the works, but the star was the New Moon Mead, which could have been made back in Maimonides' time, I guess: c.e. 1135—1204. How would I know what Maimonides meant, there are dozens of variations on apple drinks... but I delivered quite a lecture on mead-making.

Anyway, it appears that there is a difference of opinion as to the correct name for mead in Hebrew; "yayin" may refer to grape wines only, while "sheychar" (the "ch" is gutteral, as in German) covers most other wines and "sheychar dvash" would be mead. Oy, I'm getting a headache. Anyway if in modern Hebrew you say "yayin dvash", people understand what you mean.

Miriam, educating the Israeli public one glass at a time

WRATHWILDE
02-10-2006, 03:36 AM
Miriam,

The Meadmakers Song is adapted from the Philosophers Song by Monty Python, listen to the original here...

http://www.adelaide.edu.au/library/guide/hum/philosophy/philos_song.au

The Philosophers Song

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

Wrathwilde

David Baldwin
02-10-2006, 10:58 AM
Wrathwilde,

Thanks for the link to the original song. I'd never heard it, and found it very amusing.


David

Pewter_of_Deodar
02-10-2006, 02:41 PM
WW,

Maybe I could challenge you to turn the song around and use it to say something positive about everyone...

JMat has a recipe that anyone can make...

Vicki provides a place for free where all of us can meet...

Miriam provides wisdom from half way around the world on neat things like herbs and petals...

McFeeley brings the wisdom of years and contributes even in places like the Calontir listserve...

Oskaar brings a ton of experience from a background of winemakers...

Others bring smiles and enthusiasm and tons of good things...

And so on...

Calling names is so easy. Building up and encouraging is tough...

Just a thought,
Pewter

teucer
02-10-2006, 03:09 PM
WW,

Maybe I could challenge you to turn the song around and use it to say something positive about everyone...

JMat has a recipe that anyone can make...

Vicki provides a place for free where all of us can meet...

Miriam provides wisdom from half way around the world on neat things like herbs and petals...

McFeeley brings the wisdom of years and contributes even in places like the Calontir listserve...

Oskaar brings a ton of experience from a background of winemakers...

Others bring smiles and enthusiasm and tons of good things...

And so on...

Calling names is so easy. Building up and encouraging is tough...

Just a thought,
Pewter


Yeah, but being familiar with the original song, I'd find it rather flattering to be (say) the Socrates of the mead world. (Okay, Socrates is a bad example, because he's something of an asshole as well as being a brilliant thinker, but you get the idea.)

David Baldwin
02-10-2006, 03:46 PM
Pewter, a great idea.

The first phrase that came to my mind was:

SigVonMead looks great in tweed! "I brew therefore I am!"



David

WRATHWILDE
02-10-2006, 07:34 PM
It's a song about drinking philosophers. We all do a little of both on the forum so I left the original subject matter intact. If someone else wants to give a "feel good" version a shot... feel free. If anyone is offended by the honor of inclusion let me know and I'll remove you.

Wrathwilde

abejita
02-10-2006, 09:32 PM
offended? eh? i thought it was pretty obviously some light-hearted fun.

BeerBaron
02-10-2006, 10:43 PM
Most of these rules were borrowed from the person who taught me how to brew.

1: if a bottle is opened it must be finished
2: if you wish to help you start by scrubbing bottles and work your way up
3: my music will be played, and I will hear no complaints
4: brewing is enjoyable for me and to keep it that way nothing will be hurried
5: nothing is a waste, if you dont like the taste somebody else might. if not just change it.

lostnbronx
02-11-2006, 12:47 AM
Lostnbronx is a drunken Ox:
"I drink, therefore I'm sauced."


Yeeks! I think I've used that exact phrase -- and more than once -- on chat nights!

Funny stuff, WW!

-David

Brewbear
02-11-2006, 02:50 AM
Rule 6. There is no Rule 6.


A Monty Python fan if ever I saw one, but rule #4 should have been "I don't want to catch anybody not drinking." And now for something completely different...

The Meadmakers Song (adapted for GotMeads highest posting members with apologies to Monty Python and Norskersword who got bumped by the ever missing ThirstyViking... artistic license dude! ;) )

Pewter in a rant is a real piss-ant who is very rarely stable.
Brewbear, Brewbear is a boozy beggar who can think you under the table.
Dmntd claims to out-consume even Oskaar when he's tricksy.
And Jmattioli is a meady swine who is just as sloshed as Vicky.
There's nothing McFeely couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Byathread, himself, is permanently pissed.
David Baldwin still, of his own free will, after half a pint of Sack is particularly ill.
Wrathwilde, they say, can stick it away, half a crate of Acerglyn every day!
Mynx and Jab are buggers for the bottle,
and Miriam is fond of sheychar dvash.
Lostnbronx is a drunken Ox:
"I drink, therefore I'm sauced."
Yes, ThirstyViking himself is particularly missed;
JoeM's a lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

Right, now let's get some Sheilas.

Wrathwilde

Hey Wrath,
I resemble that remark!
Who told??????

Cheers,
Brewbear

WRATHWILDE
02-11-2006, 08:48 AM
offended? eh? i thought it was pretty obviously some light-hearted fun.


Thanks for the unbiased feedback Abejita, that's how it was meant. I was just following up on the Monty Python references from Alden. We're all "Stand Up Philosophers" here at GotMead so I thought it fitting. Unfortunately you didn't make the cut... but you've made it to #38 in the post count so you're gaining quick. I decided instead of playing favorites that post count would be the deciding factor on who got mentioned. I was pretty sure you and Scout would have been honored had you been included... as well as a # of Python fans on the forum I could name. Bump up the post count and I'll try to work you in next time I'm attacked with some inspired lunacy... you too Scout.

Wrathwilde (Who's thinking of ways to goad Scout into Duct Tape round two)

Miriam
02-11-2006, 02:05 PM
and Miriam is fond of sheychar dvash.


Ain't it the truth, brother, ain't it the truth... ;)

SteveT
02-11-2006, 02:50 PM
WW - "Bring out your dead..." ;)

In honor of you, I've updated my tag line... always loved that song.

Steve

mouko_yamamoto
02-11-2006, 05:52 PM
I haven't seen much Python, but I have Holy Grail. So very funny. ;)

David Baldwin
02-12-2006, 01:16 PM
Offended?? Nah, you'd have to work lots harder at it than that! ;D

David

SteveT
02-12-2006, 02:03 PM
Offended??

Did you come here for an argument?! :)

Steve

mouko_yamamoto
02-12-2006, 05:52 PM
The bottle drying tree does just that: It dries bottles. Drying clothes on it is not a good idea.



Amendment to this rule, because apparently it wasn't clear enough for some family members:

"Socks are not to be hung either. No, I didn't hang socks on it, I hung grain bags on it. No, grain bags are not socks. I don't care if you think they look like socks, the fact remains that they are grain bags. Jeesh." ::)

WRATHWILDE
02-12-2006, 07:29 PM
We're all "Stand Up Philosophers" here at GotMead so I thought it fitting.


I'm surprised... I thought someone would recognize or comment on "Stand Up Philosopher" being from a Mel Brooks film. Anyone familiar with what a stand up philosopher is?

Wrathwilde

Angus
02-13-2006, 09:26 AM
If anyone is not sure, I believe you can catch his act at Caesar's later this afternoon ;)

Angus

By the way Mouko, I am not quite sure what you mean by "I haven't seen much Python". Do you mean you have only watched the episodes 10 times each? Or 15? Completely confused here.