I *always* add my fruit/herbs/flowers to the secondary, I find my meads retain much more of the character of the add-in that way.
Regarding Redstone, well, I'm a bit predjudiced because I love their stuff, but I think they make a good mead. To my knowledge, they add their fruit in the secondary, but it does get fermented. And if you've tasted their meads, you cannot say it's a wine. It just isn't. The honey character of their products is *very* evident, and with the exception of their pyments (in which the grapes are added in the secondary), you can't push them out of mead into wine.
I have to admit to liking Bunratty, even tho its not mead in the real sense. Its still tastes nice, at least the bottles I've had.
For finishing some of my meads, like the rhodomel, I add things like rose water and rose syrup to help out the roses that I add in the secondary. I prefer that (in this particular recipe) to adding honey to backsweeten, as the rose syrup gives me both the sweetness level I'm seeking, and adds to the rose flavor. A slick solution, IMO, and it is *still* a mead. I ferment a show mead in primary, then add the rose petals during secondary, so the stuff gets fermented.
Honestly, I think a 'mead' is a wine fermented with honey instead of grapes, and water and yeast. Whatever you do to it after that just adds to the ambiance. It doesn't make it less of a 'mead'. Now, a wine with honey or mead *added* is not a mead. But saying that a mead with things added that don't happen to ferment isn't a mead, is like saying that a wine with things added that don't happen to ferment isn't a wine. We're getting a bit to conservative, IMO, in our definitions.
Just my .02,
Vicky